Help me Father, I’ve been suffering gearbox problems with my Van…

And the layman said unto the priest:

‘Help me father. Okay, so I left it a bit too long – but I mean, I just didn’t have the time, you know? Look, I’m having gearbox problem with my van. Gearbox problems with my van! – I’ve only just fixed the clutch, and now this… gearbox problems with my van.

‘Listen Father, I know I’ve got gearbox problems with my van. I know the last time I made a mistake you said to never get involved with vans again – and I tried! Mercy! – oh, how I did try Father. But I couldn’t stop it. I needed it. I needed a van to help carry those loads, to bear my loads like the Lord did his cross – but Father, gearbox problems with my van? I never thought it’d happen. Not again. Not like this.’

And the priest did sayeth forth to the man, in words that harmoniously and peacefully did resound:

‘My son, do you recall the Parable of the Diesel Engine? For does it not recount the tale – verse 7 chapter 14 – of Esau’s tremulous shout to the heavens above ‘Oh Lord! Have I again awoken to gearbox problems with my van! Gearbox problems with my van, Lord! Why has thou cursed me?’ and does it not describe the stinging wrath that was dealt by the Lord?

‘You see my son, I too once had gearbox problems with my van. Tired of the continuous gearbox problems with my van, and on reading this passage, I declared boldly that never would I have gearbox problems with my van again’

Here endeth the lesson.

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